And so it begins...

To blog or not to blog? Oh heck why not...

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

I know I haven't been here in a LONG time but I guess I just didn't have anything to say.  I've been in a mood.  I just wanted to wish anyone who pops on by here a Happy Mother's Day.  Hope your day is wonderful. <3 I will spend the day with my daughter. Which actually is like every Sunday because quite a while ago I declared Sunday as FAMILY DAY, no going out with friends, just hanging out at home or where ever we might go.  Today she claims she is going to bake me a cake.  We'll see if the actually occurs. I will probably have to help a little. But that's OK. AND I did buy the flavor mix SHE likes. It's a MOM thing.

My mom passed away in December of 2007. She was 61.  My mom had me when she was 18 almost 19 so I thought we'd grow old together.   That didn't happen. She left me. :o/ I miss my mom.  Not just today EVERY day. I miss my mom. There I said it.  I really miss her. It's been 40 months.  If other people hear that they probably think ...ok move on now.  And some days, SOME days, I am fine.  At least to the non-observer the people who don't REALLY know me.  But then the OTHER days I'm not ok, I'm not fine and seriously I just can't ... move on.  I talked to my mom a LOT, I mean a LOT lot. Almost EVERY day 2 or 3 TIMES a day! And now...NOW...I will never talk to her again.  Not here not on Earth...hopefully in Heaven one day. If I get there.  She is missing SO much. SO much she would have TRULY enjoyed.  My life would have been DIFFERENT if she was still here.  And well it can NEVER be like it used to be again.  I have so much I really WANT to tell her.  I want to talk to her about FRANCESCA.  She would be so PROUD of her.  I want to COMPLAIN to her about...well the THINGS we used to complain about to each other.  I want to TALK to her about current events! I want to just have her SAY "hey" the way SHE used to. I want her to tell me "I've got nothin" the way SHE would in a message. I want a HUG, I want a KISS, I want to TOUCH her hand... I LOVE her. I MISS her.  My MOM. We fought and ARGUED but, BUT my mom LOVED me more than and more differently than ANYONE.  And I LOVED and LOVE her.  And that's it she IS gone HAS been GONE for a LONG time now.  FOREVER gone. And even though I KNOW that life is not FAIR, that people DIE ,old people, YOUNG people, bad people, GOOD people,sick people, HEALTHY people, just everyday people DIE. I just WANT my mom back.  There I said it I want to turn back TIME. I want a MAGIC ball.  I want special POWERS. I want it all to be a NIGHTMARE.  I don't want to be FINE…I just want my mom.  :o/ 

1 comment:

  1. I just wrote this whole great comment and then clicked away from it without hitting in the security anti-spam thing....argh!
    Don't have time to reconstruct, just know that you are loved.